I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
