As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
