Walk of Shame. In a state park.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
