Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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