am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
