drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
