goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
