I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i think my tv is drunk
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
