Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
