I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When did angry sex become our thing?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
