I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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