i think i scared a bird with my dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
