Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
