We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
