What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
