dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
