It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
