Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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