he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to make out with him forever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
