i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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