you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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