i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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