Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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