Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
