..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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