Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
