So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
