My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Two words: nipple clamps
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