we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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