I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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