Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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