You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
