For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
