I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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