there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
