saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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