last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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