alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
