I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
