i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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