She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize