I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So vagazzling was a success
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
