Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
