all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Vodka?
Forever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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