She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
