he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize