my phone needs a breathalizer
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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