So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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