I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize