my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
