He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
COCAINE IS GR8
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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