RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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