i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
