i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
