is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize