Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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