mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
pray to the hookup gods
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
