is your mom at the bar?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
