they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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