I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
