I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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