11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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