There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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