i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
