i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
