Jerry, you need to find god
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
