Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
