Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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