Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
