Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
