I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
