I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
