I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the condom got lost in my hair
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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