Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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