some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
